Itís been suggested in some circles that the Pirate books lack a certain depth of characterisation. Those circles are circles of idiots. EVERY SINGLE pirate has got at least two identifiable characteristics. This officially makes them multi-faceted, like diamonds. Here is a quick character guide to the pirate crew:

The Pirate with a scarf - the pirate with a scarf is reliable. He is also loyal. And he has a scarf. Thatís THREE characteristics! Even Anna Karenina doesnít have that many characteristics (she has two - being a bit sad, falling under trains).

Jennifer - Jennifer is also reliable. But to differentiate her from the pirate with a scarf she is a woman. Obviously nobody really knows what goes on in the mysterious brains of women, so she is by definition an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a big Victorian hooped skirt.

The pirate in green - the pirate in green is an everyman. He is also quite tidy. If they were to make a sitcom of the pirates in the 1970s he would be played by Richard Beckinsale.

The albino pirate - In many ways the heart and soul of the pirate boat, the albino pirateís main characteristic is being pale. But he is also very enthusiastic. The albino pirate uses more exclamation marks than any of the other pirates.

The pirate in red - the pirate in red is quite surly. He is also a bit of a show-off.

You see? One dimensional ciphers my ass.